Right at the beginning, here it is: There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Nobody gets this right. We all mess up in a variety of ways.
I remember a time in church where I asked all the parents to participate in a pop quiz and raise their hands if they were guilty of any of these categories. I asked: How
many of you are guilty of losing your temper and yelling at kids in public? Hands went up everywhere. How many ever told your kids that the ice cream truck plays music
when it’s out of ice cream. I may or may not have ever done that.
George Barna in a survey reported that 62% of parents defined successful parenting as having done the best they could, regardless of the outcome. Which said to me most
parents feel in over their heads and are exhausted and there are so many things pulling at us and it’s hard to know if you’ve done a very good job.
There is great encouragement in the area of influencing the next generation in Psalm 127. This Psalm was written by David (the David and Goliath David). David did not grow
up in an ideal home. In fact, he didn’t have a good example of a parent. One time his dad completely forgot about him. And then David takes that legacy and transfers that
forward to his own kids.
WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED FROM YOUR FAMILY?
What often happens is that we all have a family of origin in which we learn some things, there are some things that are modeled before us, and it is easy to take those
things, maybe without processing them and we just sort of transfer that legacy to our kids.
David had lots of struggles as a dad. He has all sorts of trouble with his kids. Even though he was leading an entire nation, he was afraid to give leadership to his family.
He was a good King, but failed at home.
There were several examples of this. David had a son Amnon who sexually assaulted one of David’s daughters named Tamar. David found out about it and did nothing. So his
other sons took matters into their own hands and killed Amnon.That was what was going on in the family. Later, his son Absalom, who despised David, tried to dethrone
David and get rid of him. David had a messed-up homelife.
A VISION FOR PARENTING
“Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good…Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.” Psalm 127:1, 3-4 (NLT)
The vision here is not one of protection. Where we think: My job as a parent is to protect my kids. Obviously, we don’t want anything bad to happen to them, we don’t want
them hurt, so we have a defensive posture. But in Psalm 127 we are encouraged to a higher calling when it comes to our kids. Children are described as arrows in the hands
of a warrior. Arrows don’t need to be protected. They are something that are not defensive.
God’s word is saying that the goal of shaping the next generation, kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, and even friends and co-workers–is to invest in them, not just to keep
bad things from happening to them. Our job is to prepare them to pierce through the darkness of this world.
WHAT KIND OF LEGACY DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE?
First, realize your limits. What the Bible teaches us is: As a parent you have zero control over what your children do with their lives, but you have tremendous influence.
In Psalm 127, David wrote of Solomon: You are a gift. You are a reward. You’re a blessing. You’re like an arrow. This is David delighting over his child. What we learn is along
with the discipline, correction needs to be delight. If delight is not there, discipline will not shape them, it will break them. The delight we have in our children allows their
hearts to not be hard so they are shapeable.
Your #1 job as a parent is to spend your life proving to your kids that your delight in them is not based on their performance, their achievements, or even their obedience.It
is to prove to your kids: I will always be there for you–no matter what.
