4 Ways to Fight the Approval Idol
It was the Oscars, and the winner’s speech was memorable.
In 1985, Sally Field said with heartfelt emotion: “I haven’t had an orthodox career, and I’ve wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn’t feel it, but this time I feel it and I can’t deny the fact that you like me. Right now, you like me!” Sally Field wanted more than anything—approval.
Approval is not a bad thing. Being affirmed is a natural desire that is part of being human.
Approval is not the issue, it is the people-pleasing, approval-seeking that turns dark. It is the pursuit of this instead of the approval that comes from God that leads to struggle. Where too often, I can live as if approval were my Lord.
What can we do to fight this battle? Here are a few ways I am learning to fight the idol of approval:
1. I Can’t Know What Others Think, but I Can Know What Jesus Thinks.
The cruelty of seeking approval is that you can’t really know if you have received it or not. You don’t really know what other people think of you. Not really.
However, one look at the cross, and you know what Jesus thinks of you. He loved you so much He was willing to die for you, even when you didn’t deserve it.
There is a great saying about approval-seeking: “What you think of me is none of my business.” What is far more important is what Jesus thinks of you.
2. Move From Doing Nice Things to Win Points, to Being Kind.
When you are a people-pleaser, you can do nice things for someone, but it’s really about you. Basically, it’s - I’m doing this nice thing so you’ll like me. I want points for me with you.
The path to overcome this trap is to be kind, simply to be kind. To share the love of Jesus that has been shared with me. Not for points or ulterior motives. It is all about the why we do something nice.
3. Be the Real You, Not the Pale Imitation of What You Think Someone Wants You to Be.
A part of the trap of craving approval is that it leads us to be someone else in order to fit someone else’s expectation to get their approval.
Embrace your awkwardness, your imperfection, your weakness. Be vulnerable. In all these places God becomes big. And when God is big, people become just the right size: Big enough to matter, small enough to not be trapped by what they think of us. No one wants the fake you. They want you to be yourself, in all your messiness and glory.
4. Live From Your Identity, Not for It.
We have to make the distinction between identity and image.
Identity is something that is given, basic to how you see yourself. In contrast, image is something you create, fundamentally about the way you want others to see you. The massive pull of our world is to live for image instead of from our identity. Vaughn Roberts said it this way: “Wholehearted commitment to Christ will not be good for our image.”
We have a great identity that is much, much better than an image. We have an identity in Christ that can’t be touched. The Bible uses words for our identity like: “Child of God”, “son”, “daughter”, “servant”, and “heir”.
You don’t have to be somebody else when you already are someone.
The Bottom Line
Our struggle with approval will always be lurking in our lives. The fight for the gospel of grace to reign and rule in us is a daily battle. That is why Jesus said: “Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you…” (Luke 6:26a)
The rest we need from being on the approval treadmill is found not in trying harder but in walking with God, where we already have all the approval we could ever need. Because God not only loves us. He likes us. He really likes us.